The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
