I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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