You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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