I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
