3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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