if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
