I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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