The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
