dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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