The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
