drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
