After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
