I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
