I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
