What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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