ADVERTISEMENT

• (541): View more from Oregon

  I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night

  Fav 6 1562 3798

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.

  Fav 37 8639 978

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (913): View more from Kansas

  I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.

  Fav 15 3992 1365

  share tweet
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.

  Fav 14 3883 1509

  share tweet
  

• (417): View more from Missouri

  so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?

  Fav 28 1903 3868

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.

  Fav 4 2863 966

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (248): View more from Michigan

  You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.

  Fav 7 1832 910

  share tweet
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night

  Fav 5 1329 657

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.

  Fav 3 1025 577

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?

  (319): View more from Iowa

  will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?

  Fav 3 583 1199

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.

  Fav 0 798 502

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake

  Fav 2 17 68

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup

  Fav 1 130 8

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.

  Fav 0 58 69

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you

  Fav 0 87 15

  share tweet
  

Randomize