Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
