Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
