It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
