Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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