just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
