T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
