I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
