Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
