it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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