Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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