I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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