I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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