So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
