I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
