he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
