I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
