I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
