i think my tv is drunk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
