all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
