she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
