I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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