I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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