I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
