Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
