i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
