Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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