Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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