got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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