I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm having to shit out rocks
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