maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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