i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
