sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
