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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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