I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
