im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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