so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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