Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
