You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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