he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
