Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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