My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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