I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
