Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You are the jesus of drinking
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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