just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
