he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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