It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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