I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
