Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
