the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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