dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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