Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize