her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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