11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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