Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
