who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
