That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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