We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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