YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
