Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
